I went into denial. My family complied by never mentioning my ears again. Ever. I went on as if nothing had happened. I even forgot about the ghost in spite of the fact that I performed some gruesomely reckless tasks. I must have been overanesthesized during the surgery because I had flashback for months. Weird visual effects would happen if I stared at tile patterns on the bathroom floor too long. But the ghost made me do a horrible thing that haunts me to this day. I was giving my baby brother a bath, and something made me hold him underwater for a few seconds longer than a baptism would have required. He started to shake so I brought him up, and felt guilty and strangely out of control. There was definately something wrong with me, there had to be. I held him under again, this time longer, until the panic showed in his eyes, I quickly brought him back up, and he cried and broke my heart. I never did anything like that again, but I spent years categorizing my level of depravity for the act. The ghost? No, that was too easy. My self loathing was born during those horrible seconds.
About a year later I slaughtered 25 frogs that I found in the ground outside my school. I kept them under the nun's radar in a grocery box in class till school let out and I secreted them on the bus home. Then, for no reason, I carried the box around to the stucco'd side of the officer's condos where we lived, and threw them one by one into the air, and swatted them with a baseball bat so that they splattered against the side of the condo. I felt guilty about that for a long time too, but once again, went into complete denial, that maybe nothing was wrong with me. I was actually a really good person who wouldn't hurt a fly. I just left the frogs there too, and if anyone had discoverd that mess. Thirty years later I watched Beavis and Butthead do the exact same thing, and finally forgave myself.
The Ghost had become a crutch.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Waco's Ghost- Chapter One
I grew up in Texas, so I did believe in Jesus, but I never saw a UFO. I did, however, see a ghost once. In my room. I was having trouble sleeping one night and I just lay there, a wide-awake 9-year-old, listening to the occasional car pass through my neighborhood of brick ranches. I noticed that as any car approached, it's headlights would cast a window-conforming image on my walls, the slits from the blinds clearly visible, and then as the car turned down the street past my house, the funny image would move along the wall slowly, then quicker, when it just picked up on the other wall, and disappeared altogether.
Well, this happened three or four times, and each time I noticed some nuance in the light's image but ho hum.
But then, this one car seemed to linger, then passed by, yet the light imaged loitered in the silence, and suddenly transformed from sharp rectangular lines to a blurry undulating oval that had no blind marks and inexplicably began to depart from the wall. It hovered toward me, slowly, and made it's way to the foot of my bed. the car had passed long ago now, and there was no reason for the light to be there.
I felt an intelligence, an alien purpose drawing near, interested in me, I began to make out a definite form in details just coming to fruition. I could no longer do nothing but watch. I threw my pillow at it and screamed, "momma! Momma!"
In seconds my whole family was at my bedroom door, the light was on, and my pillow covered my baby brother's face in his crib, where the ghost had emanated from.
They laughed at my excuse for waking them up. My dad wanted to know why I yelled for mom instead of him. I didn't answer. Strangely, no other cars passed by my window that night, and I was soon asleep.
I've looke back on that night a million times from every conceivable angle, and still cannot explain what I saw and felt. The car had passed, and the sound of the car had faded away. I had two points of reliable senses, sight and sound to inform me that no light should have been reflected on my walls. I had waited long enough to ascertain that the image was indeed in motion and closing in on me. It truly was right at the foot of my bed becoming something. These are the facts. What I didn't tell my family then, nor anyone for that matter, was that the image spoke. For the first time in my life, I'm ready to divulge the message the ghost gave me.
Well, this happened three or four times, and each time I noticed some nuance in the light's image but ho hum.
But then, this one car seemed to linger, then passed by, yet the light imaged loitered in the silence, and suddenly transformed from sharp rectangular lines to a blurry undulating oval that had no blind marks and inexplicably began to depart from the wall. It hovered toward me, slowly, and made it's way to the foot of my bed. the car had passed long ago now, and there was no reason for the light to be there.
I felt an intelligence, an alien purpose drawing near, interested in me, I began to make out a definite form in details just coming to fruition. I could no longer do nothing but watch. I threw my pillow at it and screamed, "momma! Momma!"
In seconds my whole family was at my bedroom door, the light was on, and my pillow covered my baby brother's face in his crib, where the ghost had emanated from.
They laughed at my excuse for waking them up. My dad wanted to know why I yelled for mom instead of him. I didn't answer. Strangely, no other cars passed by my window that night, and I was soon asleep.
I've looke back on that night a million times from every conceivable angle, and still cannot explain what I saw and felt. The car had passed, and the sound of the car had faded away. I had two points of reliable senses, sight and sound to inform me that no light should have been reflected on my walls. I had waited long enough to ascertain that the image was indeed in motion and closing in on me. It truly was right at the foot of my bed becoming something. These are the facts. What I didn't tell my family then, nor anyone for that matter, was that the image spoke. For the first time in my life, I'm ready to divulge the message the ghost gave me.
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